somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
