turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
