update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
