i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
