is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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