i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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