Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
