So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
