I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize