so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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