got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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