I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
