ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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