It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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