Plan B is the new Plan A
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
