Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
