you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
