i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
