one might say we're banned from that church
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
