We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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