I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
