I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
