i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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