Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
