I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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