Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
