whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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