i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
