I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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