This girl is more easily done than said...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
