Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
