you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
