if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
