There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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