Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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