My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
