I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
