i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
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What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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