I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
