hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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