Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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