This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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