So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
