I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
