Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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