Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
