My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
birth control should be required to get into college
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
