Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
