So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
