drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
