we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
