i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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