I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
