Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
