next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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