I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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