your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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