i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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