You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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