Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
