Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
