Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
