is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
