Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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