Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
this hospital has no fireball
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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