please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
