Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
