Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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