Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
