I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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