He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
