I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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