you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
