His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
