I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
