Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
